Ali’s Voice

This has been a daunting post to put together. Does anybody else ever get to the point where it’s scary to open your mouth because you’re so aware of how little you know and understand that you don’t want to take steps in the wrong direction? Or accidentally cause a lot of harm? That’s me almost always, and especially when it comes to issues of racial reconciliation and racial injustice. I started learning about human trafficking in high school, which is when I started to realize the disconnect between the police, policy makers, and the criminal justice system. At the time I was disgusted by the police’s ability to arrest victims as prostitutes (which, sex work is a whole other topic for another time) and the laws that ended up incriminating people who needed help.

That’s likely the extent of what you all have seen here as I’ve written for Dressember and gone into the field with IJM. What I haven’t written as much about have been my studies, thesis, and internships which all focused on racial injustice and whiteness (yes, that’s a thing). You can’t take a class in the Law, Criminology and Deviance track without confronting America’s relationship with race. I started out as a HECUA intern helping ACER with their housing injustice work, then was hired on as a Youth Civic Engagement Fellow (before heading to Bolivia), and now work for their Communications and Civic Engagement team. It was a conversation with the first community organizer I worked with there who encouraged me to practice using my voice.

“You need to stop seeing yourself as a white person who is just a part of the problem and see yourself as an ally. Start using your voice, you have things to say that can help.”

Maybe some of you have now seen the images outlining ways we accidentally perpetuate white supremacy ideology or racial prejudice (again, another blog post on that coming). One of the things it highlights is the self-appointed label “ally.” My heart sank when I originally saw that. It was right after I had finally started practicing speaking up and it felt like I was being told that I was doing it wrong. So I read more, I learned more, and I came to understand the main issue is with the assumption that allyship is something that can be achieved. The idea that after you put in a certain amount of work you will never make a mistake is flawed and leads to complacency, which is my current understanding of that frustration. For me, naming this blog was the reminder that striving to be an ally means actually using my voice, which is my goal for this site, and why there has been the tag, since day one, “a work in progress.”

That’s where I’ve been getting caught, there’s a myriad of topics I’ve been reflecting on recently and I’m not sure where to even start. In ways, they all overlap but require deep dives into concepts that are hard to confront. I’ve gotten a lot of pushback for my thoughts and perspectives as a recent college grad, apparently that’s a typical time to have an “identity crisis” (and something I’ve written about before), but I am not going to let that discredit where I’m at. What I hope to highlight is I don’t see anything as a stark contrast or shift in my priorities or passions. Instead, I’ve seen my perspectives continue to develop and change as I grow and learn. Anti-human trafficking work is directly related to racial inequality, and is inherently political, and the more I’ve researched it, the more I’ve seen it’s a symptom of a larger problem. I want to dig into that.

I’ve been struggling with perpetually feeling like both the victim and the perpetrator all at once. Maybe you can relate. It’s a gross and beautiful time to be alive, and navigating it is rough. My reality is that I’ve seen three different militaries in just over six months. I’ve seen two different countries’ civilians respond to tear gas. I’ve gotten in arguments. I’ve been put in my place. I’ve hurt people’s feelings unintentionally, and I’ve been forced to ask for help when I haven’t wanted to. I’m working on not being disgusted by myself while still being honest with where I need to grow. I’ve made a mess of mistakes, some of which make me nauseous to think about, and they range from 15 years ago to 15 minutes ago. I’m far from perfect, and that’s okay. I’m discovering my role in all of this, how to find the nuances in my passions, and how to use my voice.

I didn’t used to agree with Black Lives Matter, I didn’t think that the MeToo movement should be focused on race, I thought being prochoice meant being prodeath, and I thought criticizing the free market would incite another red scare (I’ve changed my thoughts on all of those rather radically). I’m learning and adjusting and remembering that I am more than the issues I care about, individual actions, comments, pieces of my story, or one stagnant personality. I’m excited to keep sharing with those who will listen, but more importantly I’m excited to invest in this project for myself.

Some Resources on Police Violence:

https://interactive.aljazeera.com/aje/2020/know-their-names/index.html

https://mappingpoliceviolence.org/

Movies to watch:

• Just Mercy
• 13th
• The Hate U Give
• When They See Us
• Get Out
• Dear White People (Netflix Series)
• Moonlight

More resources (books, podcasts, articles etc) coming soon.