Apologies and an Overview

I am so sorry that this update has taken as long as it has to get to you. We’re all feeling the chaos of COVID and I’m hoping you can extend some grace for the delay in this post. I’ll have more posts soon as I continue processing and sharing the impact IJM has despite the pandemic.

An Overview – Of Everything (Links to Old Posts)

In high school I found out about sex trafficking. I went to college and realized my passions in tackling injustice from a policy / advocacy lens. I applied for the Government Relations and Advocacy position with IJM and received an offer to work in Bolivia from September 2019-September 2020.

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My senior year of college was whack from the summer prior through the summer following graduation and my mental health tanked. I debated cancelling my contract with IJM but after meeting with therapists, IJM staff, and doing my own processing, I soon found myself in Bolivia.

Bolivia was refreshing. I was stripped of any expectations of who I was and able to just be. The chaos of living in another culture and language helped combat the fear of the future and I was able to invest in community and the daily tasks at work. I felt like I was finding myself again after feeling so lost for so long (and having meaningful work that aligned with my passions helped). I talked to my boss about extending my contract and making Bolivia home for the foreseeable future.

Then I was taken away from that progress and comfort unexpectedly when IJM evacuated me after tumultuous elections in October that resulted in the police turning on the government. Without the chance to say goodbye, grab my things, or even process the idea of leaving, I lost my safe space and was thrown back into the environment where I had been struggling so hard. I was once again without purpose, questioned my worth, and had no way to grasp at the future because IJM couldn’t give me a timeline for when I’d be back in the field.

Maybe this is what it feels like for some of you now with the new quarantines. I feel a lot of similarities myself.

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I finally got back into the field (Peru this time) and I felt myself relaxing and growing again. I was even more present than I had been in Bolivia and I felt myself settling in and challenging myself once more. Then COVID came.

My boss saw the ways even discussing an evacuation triggered me. She walked me through each step carefully when Peru started responding to the pandemic. She had me leave work early to stock up on food. I remembered doing that in Bolivia. She called and informed me of the state of emergency announced by the president. I remembered my boss in Bolivia doing that too. Then Peru went on lock down. I couldn’t leave the house, there were military personnel everywhere. The flashbacks to Bolivia were intense, but my boss kept reassuring me that I’d have a say in each step of the process unlike last time.

I lost that control because IJM called all of their global interns out of the field without my consent. Peru had already locked down their borders. It was impossible, but I had to fight for a way to leave, even though I didn’t want to. I was safe where I was, there was less COVID and good hospitals, but it wasn’t my choice. I felt like I had less than no energy but still stayed up late until the last embassy email of the day went out, and set my alarm for 6am to be awake when the first one of the day came. I went weeks without much sleep, little human interaction, and my mental health wavered as it reminded me of my last evacuation, the uncertainty, and feeling powerless.

At 6pm on March 25th, after ten days of full quarantine and military enforced curfew, I got my email from the embassy and frantically called IJM security. We talked through the process and I packed my bags. I woke up the next day at 6am but instead of to check my email, it was to shower and feast on the food that remained. When I did see the new email from the embassy, I panicked. It didn’t list the flight they had promised me. I checked the Facebook group of Americans stuck in Peru and found chaos there. A flight was cancelled but nobody was certain of which.

When I arrived at the embassy there was a long line of Americans, most with only backpacks after getting caught on spring break trips. I struggled with my massive bags and got in line to see that while there were DEA agents helping us, and other volunteers, there weren’t embassy officials. They had already been evacuated. The embassy was closed. We were not allowed to go in.

They checked my passport and had me sign an agreement to reimburse the government for the flight without listing a price. Rumors are that it will cost $800-$1300 which is frustrating because normally you can fly from Lima to Miami for $300. Other countries evacuated their citizens at no cost.

They boarded us onto a bus and we sat for two hours. Then, they drove us to the military base where we were spread out throughout an airplane hangar. The Peruvian passport control stamped us out of the country. The drug and bomb dogs sniffed our bags. Then, we boarded our flight. It was 6pm, I was glad I had eaten so much before leaving at 10am since it had been a long day, and we finally found out we were expected to land in Washington DC at 1am. I sent a text to IJM asking if they could get me a flight from DC to the midwest and then tried to rest.

I got to a hotel in the midwest where I could do my 14 day quarantine and tried to settle in. Two days later they called me down to the front desk because apparently somebody had booked out the whole hotel and I needed to leave. I found myself packing my bags yet again, wondering if I’d ever be able to feel settled anywhere.

I don’t mean to gripe, I know we are all feeling the uncertainty right now. My heart goes out to everybody as we try and manage different situations and circumstances.

Now

I’m doing better. It has been incredibly defeating to continuously step out only to be thrown back each time. I am not giving up, but I am taking a moment to breathe. I’m learning how to take care of myself in more sustainable ways. I am also still on contract with IJM and doing work remotely for them.

I’ve had a lot of people question the role of a higher power in my continued struggle to pursue this work. None of this reflects the God I believe in. I’m down to talk about that with anybody interested, but the overview is that I refuse to let this drive a wedge between my trust in Him, my interests, passions, or goals. The doubts that I’ve had throughout this journey have caused me to question my abilities, my character, and my perseverance. There’s a lot of evil in the world, we’re seeing a lot come to the forefront now, and I’ve continued to prove my fears to be ill placed. I can’t logically attribute the hardship I’ve experienced to a loving God, but I can see the ways He has continued to provide for me and taken care of me through the chaos. I’m not sure what my next steps will be, but I am still working for IJM and IJM is still rescuing people and having their worldwide impact. We’re not giving up (and neither is He).

Fundraising and Thanks

For those of you who have offered support, I see you and I am beyond appreciative of you. I am so incredibly sorry that I haven’t been able to individually thank each and every one of you. It’s been truly overwhelming and while I feel the love, I have a hard time reaching out to thank you (especially when I’m not doing well). I want to recognize all of you and the ways you have supported me in this journey and am so so sorry for the ways my circumstances (both mental and physical) have impacted my ability to do so. Thank you for your patience and understanding. <3

For those of you who are still looking for ways to support me, I am still living off of my funds which were budgeted for a year in Bolivia (not a double evacuation and months living in the USA). Please consider helping close the gaps by donating below.