Dressember 2020: Snow Excuses

“The greatest mistake of the movement has been trying to organize a sleeping people around specific goals. You have to wake the people up first, then you’ll get action.”

Malcolm X

Starting Point: Dressember

I “woke up” when I found out human trafficking was happening in Madison, Wisconsin and not just in third world countries. I got involved by doing Dressember, even though I had no idea how that would do anything. I was surprised by the conversations it started, the community I found, and the organizations I got connected with (it’s taken me international)!

What I was also surprised by was how much I enjoyed wearing the dresses. I hadn’t freely worn them since I was much younger and being able to bring them back into my wardrobe brought me so much joy. It was hard to hear others scoff or raise confusion when they saw me in “girly” outfits, but I was able to deflect with conversation about anti-human trafficking work.

I kept doing Dressember, “waking up” more and more as I went, until last year. I had been evacuated after watching police shoot tear gas at me in Bolivia. What was wearing a dress going to do?

This year, I watched buildings burn before my eyes. I saw the pain caused by inequality and misunderstanding here in the United States. I watched with excitement as I saw friends post “Black Lives Matter” or a black square in solidarity, assuming we could all come together to find reasonable change, until I realized most weren’t ready to do more. I have friends who don’t get a choice in advocacy, they can’t change their skin or identities for when it is convenient, and a movement like Dressember felt performative to me. It reminded me of people who jump into advocacy for one month when it’s trendy and then turn a blind eye the rest of the year. I wasn’t ready to engage again in such a meaningless movement.

I realized I was getting caught up in thinking dressing up was the “oppressing” part of Dressember, that it was an ignorant attempt to mirror human trafficking.

That is so not it.

We make choices every day, and a choice I stopped placing much weight in was the freedom of self expression. This changed this past summer when I shaved my head: an item on my bucket list.

“Everybody commented on what they saw in me, but I did not feel seen.”

I was embarrassed that it was incredibly emotional for me. I have horrible self image issues, but the limited beauty I used to find in my reflection had seemingly left with the hair that had been chopped off. What also surprised me was how openly people began to question my gender, my sexuality, and project their assumptions on the intention behind my decision without any conversation. Everybody kept commenting on what they saw in me, but I did not feel seen.

In response, I isolated. I took a few weeks to intentionally hang out with myself, to explore new hobbies and spaces, and remind myself of who I am without the noise of others’ observations. At the tail end of this, my friend Abbi called and asked if I’d listen to her process her thoughts about Dressember.

I had given up on the challenge. It felt too white, it felt too far removed, it felt too privileged and too performative. Wearing dresses didn’t get things done the ways blocking highways did. As she spoke, however, I was reminded about how constructive this movement is. I remembered how it opened my eyes, started conversations, and helped me reconnect with both myself and the outside world.

I’ve talked about why Dressember hits home for me. I’ve shared why dresses felt taboo and exposing, and how thankful I am to feel comfortable wearing them once again.

I’ve also seen us become so divided, this year especially, in a polarizing world. I know Dressember helped open up my listening ears and communicate in nonpartisan ways. It helped me “wake up,” nobody wants human trafficking to exist, and I’m excited to share more with you all as we go forward together. I’m not here trying to convince you to abolish the police, but the more you learn, the more you might start to realize that human trafficking isn’t the problem.

Let me be clear: human trafficking is a problem. I’ve just found that it is not the problem. It is a symptom of larger inequalities, and I’m excited to dive into that more with whoever will listen this month.

No Excuses

My reasonings for not doing Dressember were limiting. I realized that by putting it down I was raising myself up on a pedestal I didn’t deserve to be on. Nobody is “too good” for any type of advocacy and in any movement, we can each make it our own.

One of the rules at George Floyd Square that the community abides by is “assume everybody is fighting their own revolution.” While at first I found that confusing, after reflecting on it more, I realized how liberating it is. We each have our own reasons for participating, or choosing not to. We each have our own perspectives, wounds, and skills, and by acknowledging those differences we can work better together towards a common goal.

This year, I’m using Dressember a little more selfishly than ever before. I’m using it to connect with you all through a team with an intentional goal of unity. I’m using it to check myself and my perspectives by going back to my “roots” and comparing it to where I am now. I’m using it to force myself to really take time and think each day about my role on this planet and what I am doing that helps and what I am doing that hurts. And, this year, I am using it as a safe space, just like year one, to explore my self expression.

Catch me and the squad dressed to the nines all month and know it’s never too late to join. We would love for you to join as an advocate, a donor, and/or a student.

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