When I first sent out information about my abortion, I got a loving response expressing confusion about being “proud.” If an abortion is just a medical procedure, why should there need to be pride surrounding it? It was impossible for me to answer without relating the question to my queer identity:
“I didn’t want to be proud when I had a girlfriend, given it’s simply a relationship that doesn’t concern others, but after attending numerous churches that told me it wasn’t allowed, after getting looks when seen holding hands in public, after all of the queer adults in my life hid their romantic relationships behind labels like “friends” or “roommates,” and after the violent history against the LGBTQIA+ community, I am proud to have broken out of the framework that told me it wasn’t okay.”
Re: my abortion, we live in a world where abortion, like being gay, is stigmatized. Me simply talking about having one came across as “proud.” I’m not trying to equate my post-abortive identity to being LGBTQIA+, but maybe that will help lay the framework for those of you still wrapping your head around Pride Month.
The quick synopsis for those who need a refresher, or some starting points to do your own research, is that the Stonewall Inn was a safe haven for queer folks in New York, and although bars weren’t allowed to serve gay people, Stonewall did. The police frequently raided it and in June 1969 there was a riot (it’s attributed to a Black Trans woman, Marsha P. Johnson, throwing the first brick – nitpicking hot takes here). The takeaway: the first Pride was a riot against police brutality and against anti-gay legislation.
I didn’t know about the violent history against queer folks until I started doing my own research. The pink triangle marked gay folks in Nazi concentration camps. The AIDS epidemic (and response) disproportionately impacted gay men. Gay bars continue to be under attack, and anti-trans and anti-gay legislation is being passed around the country. These are massive, and dangerous, steps backwards.
As someone who spent many years in a variety of anti-gay communities (looking at you, every church I attended prior to 2020), I can promise silencing queer voices, hiding queer content, and stigmatizing the queer community did not rid of my attraction to women and femme folks. It caused a lot of internal turmoil and taught me to hide myself.
We need to combat the narratives that being gay is a crime by making sure people in our lives know we actively support the LGBTQ+ community. As I’ve been pushing in my previous posts, being okay with the queer community is not synonymous with destigmatizing it.
I have gay friends who’s communities were accepting and that didn’t cure them from internalized homophobia or rid them of their fear of being in openly gay relationships. To create a society where queer folks are truly safe, we need to prioritize and amplify LGBTQ+ voices when in conversations surrounding the queer experience.
What’s the best way to honor Pride month if you’re not a member of the LGBTQ+ community?
- Support your local queer artists!
- Maybe you’ve heard of “rainbow capitalism,” but if you haven’t, it’s the frustration that many corporations now change their logo to have a rainbow, or sell products with LGBTQ terms, without actually investing in the queer community. They’re often the same corporations who discriminated against queer employees and don’t take a stand when the queer community is under attack.
- I can’t know where you’re reading from, but even a quick “local LGBTQ artists” google search can give some good starting points.
- Learn about the history of Pride and violence against the community.
- Check your religious institution’s stance on LGBTQ issues and ask why.
- The more I learned about the Church’s opposition to homosexuality, the less clear I realized it was. Jesus never spoke to it, and most of the original texts refer to pedophillia and abuse. The word “homosexual” wasn’t even in the Bible until 1946.
- Learn about the queer community.
- Learn about all of the letters.
- Learn about the history of “queer” (and why you probably shouldn’t use it).
- Learn about the importance of pronouns.
- Learn about harmful legislation (and advocate for queer-affirming replacements).
- Donate to local nonprofits that support LGBTQ youth.
- Many prioritize housing insecurity, job searches, and accessing healthcare.
- Prioritize listening to queer (especially trans and Black, brown, Indigenous, and other queer folks of color’s) voices.
- Remember that this is your time to listen, internalize, and reflect. This is not your time to insert your opinion, question their experience, or disagree.
What’s the best way to honor Pride month if you’re a member of the alphabet mafia?
Existence is resistance, love. Be out, be proud, be you, and know there’s a whole lot of love and support.
